Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
