GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Randomize
