He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Randomize
