he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
