is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
