If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
