is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
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