Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
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