I hate your face
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
