so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
