Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Randomize
