We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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