She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
After the first time we had sex he kept saying "I'm proud of you" over and over again
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Randomize
