So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
