I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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