I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
