he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
