Only a mothe r could love this liver
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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