Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I love you.
Bad choice
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
