I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
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