paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize
