The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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