I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
