If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
