just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
