i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
