I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
