After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
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