So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
