you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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