areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
