do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
