Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Randomize
