i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
