I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
COCAINE IS GR8
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
