I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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