I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
