i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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