I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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