On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
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