he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
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