But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Randomize
