Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
