Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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