C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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