Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
