We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
