Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
