I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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