how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
