Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
